In the thick darkness

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I couldn't see...It was too dark.

It wouldn't have come back. Ever. 

It all was buried too deep in the shame, deep under the blackness of guilt. 

I tried crawling through the depths of the thick darkness with you, but I lost you somewhere in there along the way. 

Or did you lose me? 

I'm not sure which happened first...or when.

I stood still in the darkness, hoping I'd glow bright enough for you to come back, to find comfort in the warmth of my light. 

But the burden was too heavy to carry. 

You were too lost to find me. 

Or did you not want to? 

I couldn't see...It was too dark.

So you stayed still, with the heaviness of the guilt and shame burning through you, making you incapable of moving towards any direction. 

You didn't even make the slightest sound;

Maybe you kept silent out of fear that I'd try to convince you to stay. 

Just like I always did. I kept trying and trying and trying...

Or maybe you didn't want to be found?

It was too heavy for any soul to carry for a lifetime.

Did you know that sometimes I still visit the darkness and shine my light?

I know you're not there anymore. 

I guess I'm just waiting for myself to walk by and soothe my own heart.

 

Read another one of my journal entries here.